Dressing According To Context

“What??? ‘Wag ka nang sumama dun di bagay yang suot mo, lahat sila dun di ganyan ang suot, you’ll just look

out of place. Baka magmukha ka lang mongha dun!”

--My mom’s reaction when I told him that my businessman friend is inviting me to go out with him and a bunch of beauty queens.

I’m a leggings and dressy top kind of girl. Smart Casual/Dressy corporate is my favourite attire. Something safe—something I can wear to meetings, to the mall, maybe to a not so formal dinner date. But Smart Casual is not something you wear to a night-out of partying of cocktails or maybe dancing with friends. So when a friend of mine told me he was in Manila, and that he would like to invite me to cocktails in one of the most popular bars in the metro, I declined, knowing that I won’t have time to change from my “daily attire” to the suitable “bar attire”. Especially when he said, “Kasama naming friends ng girlfriend ko, BB Pilipinas candidates”.

No, I am not in any way encouraging everyone to dress like a beauty queen when going to a bar—fitted dresses, platform heels, big hair, false eyelashes. What I am saying here is that part of modesty is dressing within context. Simply put, wearing the right clothes includes considering occasion, location, company and sensibilities of people you are with.

Standards of modesty vary by culture. I think this is most obvious with Islam women who in the heat of the city only have their kohl-rimmed eyes exposed since exposure of hair, other parts of the face or even the ankle are considered immodest, whereas, other cultures don’t go to that extreme.

The left one is the digitally covered one to suit the sensibilities of the Middle East Market.

The one on the right is the original US H&M Campaign.

A large part of modesty depends on context. For example, a bathing suit worn in the mall is considered immodest while in the beach and swimming pools, bathing suits are the proper attire. (Wearing them with shorts, in fact are prohibited in some sports clubs). For men, board shorts are not immodest in the beach, but these are inappropriate as office or Church attire.

My dad wears white linen shirts and dark jeans/trousers to work, to church, to the mall, everywhere—even to the beach. He looks normal in a mall setting, or to work as a photographer, but when he goes to the beach in the same clothes, people are staring at him in a weird way as if he is out of place. One even remarked, “Wala na bang ibang damit ang dad mo?”

For dresses as in special occasions—you also have to consider the setting. A floor length prom dress in heavy fabric may look elegant in a ballroom-setting prom, but cocktail length and lighter fabrics are the way to go should the prom be held in a gym or in a venue without airconditioning (In the same way that wearing backless in an airconditioned venue may be immodest, and may cause bronchitis).

Modesty is not only the amount of skin you cover, but also the way you wear your hair and make up. Dyed hair, colourful makeup, tattoos, body piercings and ripped jeans may look great when your job is a stylist, or if you work as a creative staff member in an ad agency, but doing so in a regular corporate setting would be improper. One would say that their fashion is their way of expressing themselves, “This is me; it is my creative outlet”. Yes, truly, personal style can say a lot about the person, as it is your way of presenting yourself without saying a word—but you also have to take the sensibilities of others and rules (such as dress codes) into consideration.

You can say, to some extent, that modesty is relative. But in any kind of dress code, there is always the more modest choice. For example, choose a tankini or one piece suit instead of a bikini for the beach, leggings instead of cycling shorts when working out, for cocktail dressing, you can get knee length instead of micro mini.

* Written by a GUTSY correspondent

Leveling the Field

Written by a GUTSY correspondent

I’m not an avid reader of women’s magazines whose main focus is how women can please men. I mean, I think to myself, why is it that a magazine supposedly targeted to me be all about him? What is this, sort of a guy manual?

For the longest time, it has been women who have been objectified through billboards, magazines and other forms of media that show unrealistic standards of beauty. The MTRCB would ban shows that show half-naked women dancing around, and feminist groups would react to billboards that showcase women being ‘too sexy’. It was only recently that men were subject to censorship (remember the huge billboards of the Philippine Volcanoes along Guadalupe?). These billboards were a wakeup call that even billboards showing male models/celebrity endorsers needed regulation.

I am writing this article based on personal experience. Just a few days ago, I currently had an argument with this guy I’m currently dating. I am dating a male model for about half a year already. And no, by doing so, I am not being superficial. He is a good conversationalist, with excellent PR skills and possibly the most consistent guy I’ve ever dated. Never a day goes by that he doesn’t call and text, and is very patient considering that I can be too frank and almost tactless. As a model, he is a high-fashion model who usually participates in couture shows. Check his folio and you won’t see topless vanity pictures. In other words he is very conscious that he projects the right image. And oh, he is also an engineer. In short, not an airhead. I could go on and on and on about the good qualities.

So anyway, last week, he kept on insisting that he wasn’t part of this event for a women’s magazine which showcases the 69 sexiest men every year. Until, come the day itself, he tells me that he came across some of my friends and had their picture taken with him. He goes:

Him: “Nakita ko si *****, Ang hirap ng job ko today 6 hours ako nakatopless and ang lamig lamig pa.”

Me: “Kala ko ba wala ka diyan, bakit ilang beses mo sinabi na wala ka diyan pero andiyan ka pala. Ba’t di ka honest?”

Him: E kasi nahihiya ako sa job assignment ko. Sorry if you think I’m stupid” He replied. “Magpapagupit nalang ako so the next time we might see your friends, di nila ako mamumukhaan.”

Anyway, point is, it’s not only women who feel exploited with these types of shows/magazines (hiding under the guise of being confident with their physical appearance, when in truth they feel some sort of ‘hiya’ afterwards). Women look at these types of things as "levelling the playing field". If guys objectify women, why can’t people do the same to them? And honestly, some shows featuring men show them to be more exploited than women.

Modesty is important to both men and women. It should be stressed that not because men are visually stimulated, women should be more conscious on how they present themselves. Men too, have to be conscious. I mean, as a guy, would you like to be known immediately as the "sexiest bachelor" by the people you would meet for the first time especially if you need to set a good impression with them? I don’t think so. As a model, if you’re trying to capitalize on being high fashion, respectable, smart and decent, please be consistent. Choose jobs that won’t go against your image, or the person you are for that matter.

So What Exactly Is Modesty?

Most individuals irk when they hear the word modesty. One may ask, "What's the fuss with it? Is that still applicable to the citizens of 3rd Millenium?" People may seem to brush aside this concept, but admit it or not this still occupies a place in this contemporary world - simply because we are beings with bodies and soul. From time immemorial, sages like Socrates, Plato and Aristole (really prominent!) have contemplated and asserted the fact that we are creatures with rational soul. It is important to give proper care due to our bodies, but at the same time we have to exert the same (or more) effort for our souls.

Modesty in dressing conveys our worth as a person, not our worth as a nice body. When we dress up provocatively, we tell the world that "The best thing about us is our body - only our bodies!" We prefer people to describe us as girls with big front, big back, big whatever body part but not with a big heart. This exclamation is worthy of lament. Why will we bank on our physical body which will inevitably droop in about three decades time when we can improve the aspect that will last forever? Forming and uplifting our character will secure the respect we have been longing for. Modest dressing says "I'm worth waiting for (from Jason Evert, If You Really Loved Me)." and "I respect myself and I insist on being treated with respect (Kim Alexis, former supermodel turned modesty advocate)."

Do we want to be remembered as someone who is "sexy and hot" when they can say that we are "elegant and classy"? It will always benefit us when we ponder on the fact that our identity is that of a person with worth, with dignity. We are not reduced to our body parts. Will it not be a blatant insult when people can describe us only through our body parts? Hence, modesty is "taking the natural beauty of womanhood, and adorning it in a way that reflects her true identity (Evert)."