The S word

Just last week, a friend and I had a mini tiff because we both did not understand what the other meant by the word "sexy." While my friend was going on about how fun and exciting it was to be "sexy," I got especially concerned and said maybe it's best to tone down "sexy" because it's one surefire way of making people forget you're more than just a pair of legs (or whatever else you have). It turns out that all she meant by sexy was make-up and heels--and basically looking pleasant, attractive and approachable--while there I was worrying that, living amidst this mumbo jumbo of media-propagated beauty culture, my dear friend has become sort of numb.

I honestly don't like using the word "sexy" because it is too overused in media that it's become "diluted." You know what I mean: you see a person with celebrity wearing something very stylish and elegant and they call her sexy; then in the next page, a not-so-well-sheathed actress is described with the same word used as a praise, too. What, is "sexy" some sort of catch-all term that means "I don't have any other word to use so here's one I'd like to throw and hopefully you'd all think I gave a compliment"?

I'm like this with words, so please forgive me. I looked up sexy in the dictionary and this is what I learned:

sexy–adjective, sex·i·er, sex·i·est.
1. concerned predominantly or excessively with sex; risqué: a sexy novel.
2. sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality: the sexiest professor on campus.
3. excitingly appealing; glamorous: a sexy new car.

Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada

Sexy is probably overused for it's third meaning because it's much easier to say Anne Hathaway's green coat is sexy than Anne Hathaway's green coat is excitingly appealing. (Besides, if we're going to be all grammatical about it, I may as well point out that: a. "sexy" referring to any item or article of clothing means number 3; b. referring to a person means number 2; and c. referring to an attitude or being, number 1.)

If we just consider meaning number 3, then there really is nothing wrong with sexy--I mean, what's wrong with being glamorous? We all want to be glamorous! and beautiful! and elegant!

The problem, then, lies in the other meanings attached to the S word. Number 2 entails "radiating sexuality," which means putting sexuality above personhood. Some may argue that if you're a woman, you can't help looking like a woman--but of course! I'm not saying we should all dress androgynously. The fact is: there's "ladylike" and then there's dangling one's sexuality for all to see. (At best, the latter just makes you attractive to the opposite sex; at worst, it takes the liberty to scream "Look at me! I'm sexually available!" for you.)

And number 1, of course, is just plain tasteless.

The formal question

Photo of Cate Blanchett (styled by Michael Roberts) taken by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair.

Why is it that when it comes to formal wear, showing off more skin has become the "accepted" way to go?

I've noticed that girls who won't normally wear plunging necklines to the mall seem not to think twice about wearing cleavage-bearing gowns... is it because the more skin you expose, the more festive you look? Or is the formal occasion enough excuse to subscribe (succumb?) to a Hollywood-ized definition of beauty?

When it comes to formal occasions, the need for wearing appropriate attire seems more highlighted (I say seems because appropriate attire is required on all occasions), possibly because it's indicated in the invitation. What makes a dress formal? It's definitely not "more skin," or else beachwear would be formal.

The right dress (a better word would be "evening dress" or "gown," but let's stick to "dress" for more flexibility) for a formal occasion is made of the right fabric (chiffon, silk, velvet, satin, taffeta...) in the right cut (it complements your body type), length (either mid-calf, ankle-length, floor-length), and silhouette (A-line, sheath, empire, mermaid...). I use "right" because all these options must suit the wearer!

Just describing the typical formal gown is making me feel constricted already! But that's just the basic idea; the fun starts in how the lady wears the dress. What color (or color scheme) does she settle with? What kind of shoes does she pair with it? Jewelry? Accessories? Makeup?

Besides all these considerations, there's the underwear to get right: always figure out if your dress needs a slip before wearing it! (Read: Where did the slip go?) Hardly does a dress come with the right lining nowadays.

Now, going back to the question: is more skin-bearing a requirement to formalize the attire? Definitely not! After all, it's all about playing up what looks good on you and not about showing off what you've got. And when each lady dresses the part to celebrate (and not to get attention), the true spirit of the occasion will be better felt.